Breathe

So we have come to know

and to believe

the love that God has for us.

God is love,

and whoever abides in love abides in God,

and God abides in her.

1 John 4:16

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There’s a possibility…

Tell me when you hear my heart stop
you’re the only one who knows
-Lykke Li

The sun sets through the curtains and the shadows fall across the dishes in my sink and the cool Pacific breeze blows through the quiet. I find myself distracted by anything –the soreness in my biceps, the distant freeway, the curls blowing into my eyes, the eleven new books in my room, my chipping red toenail polish– that I can find to bolster my self-constructed door on the lingering doubts, rootless worry, and pending decisions collecting in the back of my mind.

Content with life yet constantly grinding at a nameless bit between my teeth: this inexorable duo of silence & solitude steps into the tension between the smile and the anticipation and ignites it all.  The fragile wall restraining my expectancy, half-concealed dreams, and wry acknowledgment of future unpredictability wavers at the heat.

Someday I will look back on not knowing but I hope that I always remember what it feels like.

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